


I'm Not Greedy, I'm Just Sick (Draft)

by GalekhXigisi



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Trans Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, adrien becomes le paon, because fuck you, defensive Adrien Agreste
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 06:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16511438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: I'm currently going through some fucked up stuff at home and I honestly just want the idea out there, not finished. It's just a draft.





	1. Chapter 1

 

**_Foxy_ ** _ has opened chat  _ **_LB Fanclub_ **

 

**_Foxy_ ** _ has added four contacts to  _ **_LB Fanclub_ **

 

**Foxy:** As all of your guy’s honorary girlfriend, I have to say I am obligated to have a chat open with all five of us. 

 

**Queenie:** May I ask why I’m in here?

 

**Foxy:** Because you’re not that big of a bitch anymore so you’re honorarily in the LB fanclub. You are her biggest fan, right?

**Foxy:** Besides, I need to know what you guy’s think of Chat Noir’s sudden disappearance

 

**Blue Belle:** It’s probably incredibly stressful on LB

**Blue Belle:** Since she suddenly has to run around giving out Miraculous/es and stuff

**Blue Belle:** And she has to do almost everything by herself

**Blue Belle:** He’s probably just slacking off for personal gain

 

**Pure:** Or maybe he lost his miraculous or something?

 

**Blue Belle:** He’s not that fucking stupid, Adrien

**Blue Belle:** He wouldn’t lose his miraculous, that’s incredibly careless

 

**Lettuce:** I’m not sure, Marinette. He also jumps into action without thinking 

 

**Foxy:** I agree with Nino here

**Foxy:** He relies on LB way too much

 

**Queenie:** He probably has daddy  _ and _ mommy issues, smh

 

**Foxy:** Lmao yeah

**Foxy:** He probably does

 

**Pure:** God, you’re all so careless

**Pure:** He’s a hero with the weight of Paris on his shoulders

**Pure:** Have you ever taken time to see what he’s like when he’s not in front of the media?

**Pure:** Have you even considered that maybe his miraculous may or may not have been taken forcibly by an akuma and none of the heroes actually caught on? 

 

**Foxy:** Dude, it was just a joke? 

 

**Blue Belle:** Why are you suddenly protecting Chat Noir so fiercely?

**Blue Belle:** It’s not like we’re anything to them

**Blue Belle:** We're just faces they see every once in a while.

 

**Pure:** Do you think LB looks at people like that? 

**Pure:** He’s saved all four of you from akumas/being akumas at some point?

**Pure:** And this is how you think about him?

**Pure:** If I were Chat Noir, I would give up my miraculous and go.

 

**_Pure_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**Queenie:** No reason to get so damn butthurt Adrikins

 


	2. Mourn what isn't dead

Adrien silently slipped through the home, eyes looking thoroughly at his surroundings. The room was dark, incredibly so, but his father was long passed out. Adrien couldn’t be more grateful as he tiptoed through the room. Natalie was asleep a few rooms away, but these walls were thick enough to sneak through the home and talk without disturbance. 

 

His hands scooped up the ring and pendant. He honestly thought his father would be a lot less careless with something so deadly, so  _ important. _ But the kwamis still formed around him, bright and glowing. He pressed a finger to his lips as he put the ring on clipped the other on. As soon his he shut the door behind him, he spoke up to the two kwamis. 

 

“The peacock miraculous is in his study. Plagg, you got into it. Is there any way you’d be able to cover the camera so I can get it?” His voice near silent, but it still seemed too loud. 

 

“I can,” Nooroo nodded. 

 

\---

 

Ladybug didn’t expect to see Chat Noir sitting on the bench of a park, eyes looking at the Eiffel Tower. He held a wide smile as she moved forward. 

 

“Hey, Chat,” she spoke up, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. What’s been up with you?” 

 

“I have a present for you, actually,” he smiled, teeth baring. “An apology gift for being gone for so long. I had a few… family issues, if you understand?” 

 

She frowned, nodding. “Do you want to talk about it, or?...” 

 

He shook his head in return. Chat Noir kept his smile, though. “Hold your hands out and close your eyes, okay?”

 

Ladybug frowned, nodding as she did so. Her eyes flitted close, hands extended. “Once you feel what’s in your hands, count to ten, okay?” Another nod. Something pressed into her hands. She mentally began to count.

 

When her eyes opened, she frowned, inspecting the contents in her hands.  _ Miraculous one and two. _ “Oh no,” she whispered at the sight of nothing before her. She panicked at the sudden realization that Hawkmoth and Chat Noir’s Miraculouses rested in her hands. Her thoughts flitted to Adrien’s words beforehand.  _ If I were Chat Noir, I’d give up my Miraculous and go. _ The sudden question of if he were actually Chat Noir or not filled her brain. It was suddenly a legitimate question that racked her brain. 

 

“Tikki, spots off,” she spoke up. 

 

The kwami was the first to immediately frown at the sight of the other two. “Plagg, what  _ exactly _ did Adrien do? We all know he has your attitude since all holder’s take after their kwamis. So, what’s he doing?” 

 

“He took Duusu and they ran. He knows if he transforms, it can kill him, but he transformed right after he gave us up.” 

 

“Wait, Adrien is Chat Noir? And he’s going to die?!” There was panic in her voice. “Who was Hawkmoth?” 

 

“Gabriel, his father,” the purple kwami spoke up. “I’m Nooroo, by the way. I’m sure you know Plagg already.” He offered a gentle smile, but it was clearly strained. He knew the consequences. “I’m not sure what Adrien’s going to do now, but he has Duusu with him. I hope they get along.” 

 

Plagg scoffed. “Adrien could get along with a flee if it came down to it. That kid is so friendly it’s almost laughable. He’s so easily manipulated, honestly. He’s too trusting, too. It worries me.” 

 

“We need to see Master Fu,” Marinette decided quickly, “or he’s going to get himself killed. I can’t have that.” 

 

\---

 

**Blue Belle:** How do I respond to the fact that my boyfriend may or may not be suicidal and about to kill himself?

 

**Queenie:** What’s wrong with Adrien? Did something happen?

 

**Lettuce:** What’s wrong? 

 

**Foxy:** Is he okay?

 

**Blue Belle:** I’m with Master Fu, the miraculous holder, etc. And I’m Ladybug, btw. And Adrien is Chat Noir. So Adrien’s dad was Hawkmoth and had the Peacock miraculous too, but the Peacock miraculous literally kills it’s holder if they’re around them/transformed for too long and CN gave up his miraculous and his dad’s but took his Mom’s, aka the Peacock miraculous and he transformed before he left and he  _ knows _ it can kill him but he doesn’t care.

**Blue Belle:** It killed his mom but now he’s running and I don’t know what to do and neither does Master Fu because none of the kwamis can sense him or Duusu

**Blue Belle:** Duusu is the Peacock miraculous’ kwami

 

**Foxy:** I WAS RIGHT ABT ADRIEN BEING CN THO

**Foxy:** THIS IS TERRIBLE IS HE OKAY 

 

**Blue Belle:** No???? He’s fucking missing, Alya? 

 

**Lettuce:** This is an issue and I don’t actually know if I should panic or stay calm for you but I am ready to do both

 

**Queenie:** Adrien can’t die. Marinette, send me your location

 


	3. Aren't I enough?

Adrien choked out a sob as pain absorbed his lungs. He knew he was going to die if he didn’t let up with this. But he was  _ flat _ like this, chest down to one of a males'. He was as masculine as any other boy was. But he still dropped it. The tightness of his chest didn’t go away in the least after that. In fact, it suddenly felt worse, despite the fact that Duusu was no longer a suit. 

 

_ “Famous model Adrien Agreste has now been lost for two months. Still, there are no leads aside from the fact that he is most likely far gone from Paris. Police are now saying that he should, most likely, just be declared dead.” _

 

Adrien flipped away from the radio that so loudly announced the words. He hadn’t left Paris in the least. He just switched up spots countless times, untrackable. It was all flips of coins that decided where he’d go next. 

 

“Please, Duusu,” he whimpered out, coughing weakly into his arm, “If I die, you  _ have _ to go to Master Fu? I can’t take you without them finding out and-” 

 

The kwami interrupted him with a harsh sob. “Adrien, you can’t die! You’re Chat Noir, Le Paon. Your dad, he’ll have no one!” 

 

“He couldn’t settle for me, Duusu. He wanted mom, not me. I’m just the thing she birthed that ended up getting him money, nothing else. I’m not important to him. He put me in danger countless times! I almost died so many times and he didn’t care!” His strength was far gone. Death was just a few blinks away. 

 

“But he’s still your dad and he’s still worried for you! He even came out in public to speak about you! He was  _ crying, _ Adrien!” 

 

“He’ll be fine without me!” Both knew he didn’t have the strength to save himself. He needed a miracle. 

 

She shook her head as tears fell down her cheeks. “You’re just like your mom, you know?” Duusu accepted that there was no point fighting it. She sat down in the crook of his neck, head on his cheek as she spoke to him, calm and collected. Adrien had no doubt that she had done the same with his mother before. “She was willing to give you and your father up. She had a fight with your father the night she died. She wanted to change so bad and just get out of everything. 

 

“You look just like her. You have her hair and skin tone. And you have her kindness. She never let an animal or human hurt without at least attempting to right it. Before she died, she fought with your father near constantly. About your modeling, what you should and shouldn’t be exposed to. She wanted nothing more than for you to be normal and feel loved in all situations.” 

 

Tears froze against his skin as snow began to lump around them. Adrien silently wondered when it had become so cold. 

 

“She loved heroes so much. Looked up to them, wrote about them, even cosplayed a few.” Adrien laughed, only for it to turn into a painful cough. Blood leaked out onto his hand. “She thought you were the best thing to ever happen to her. But she took after me too much. It turned into transformations that lasted a little too long or-” A sharp cough reminded her that he was living on borrowed time. “Did you love anyone, Adrien?” 

 

“I loved Marinette,” he whispered, “And Ladybug. But after all this time, I’ve realized they’re probably the same person.” Tears flitted down as he coughed again. His words were slow and incredibly painful now. “They were so beautiful and nice. I never actually confessed to either. I just said  _ I love you _ and went with it with Marinette. I never told either how much they mattered to me. They both made me want to be a better guy for them.” His words were quiet and his breathing shallow. “What was Mom like before I was born?” 

 

“Honestly, selfish.” He laughed dryly as she choked out a wet one. They were so different. “Before she died, she said, _ I’m not greedy, I’m just sick. _ And that was the last thing she ever said.” 

 

“I’m not greedy, either, am I?’ 

 

“No, Adrien,” she whispered slowly, laughing through another sob. “You’re amazing.” 

 

His eyes flitted close, possibly for the last time. However, the crunching of snow alerted Duusu that, _ No, this is not Adrien’s fucking end. _

 

\---

 

Alya shivered, leaning in to press against Carapace. “Mari, he’s probably not even in Paris anymore?” 

 

Queen Bee answered for the other instead. “Adrien can’t be dead, Alya. He wouldn’t leave Paris as long as he could.” She shivered as well, the chill in the air chilling her to the bones. She had the option to be curled up to Sabrina, but she was desperate to find her childhood friend now. 

 

“She never said he was dead,” Carapace reminded, “He just might not be in Paris!” 

 

Ladybug passed her jacket to Rena, frowning. “I’m desperate, Alya. He can’t die. Gabriel said his wife died by Duusu and that Adrien is exactly like her. If he’s as reckless as his father said and his… other personality is, he’s going to drain himself as fast as he can. If we’re too late, then…” She ignored the words that hung in the air as she flitted from the rooftop to the ground. Snow collected thickly on her shoulders, sliding off. 

 

She didn’t expect to suddenly be whopped in the face by a dark blue kwami with iced tears covering her face. 

 

“Please,” the kwami begged, “I think he's dead, I don’t know if-” 

 

“Where is he,” Queen Bee yelled from the rooftop, following behind the other. “Is he-” 

 

Duusu pulled the two behind herself, showing them the shabby teen laying in the snowed ruins of himself. 

 

\---

 

“It’s like his body was rejecting itself,” the doctor frowned, their eyes scanning the paper. “We’ve never seen something like this. We’ll have to keep Adrien in the hospital for a while. He’s not going to make a full recovery, but-” 

 

“Please, just let me see my son,” the male begged, eyes filled with tears. 

 

“He has four other visitors. He’s not awake, either, but you may go ahead. Follow me.” They began to walk, leading the older man with trained professionalism. The other, however, was on edge. He didn’t know how his son felt and he already knew the four who would be there. 

 

The door opened for the man. True to his suspicions, there stood Alya, Chloe, Nino, and Marinette. The blue-haired one was pacing while the other three looked incredibly anxious. 

 

“H-Hey,” Chloe spoke out, looking at the teenager in the bed. She didn’t look up as the adult walked in, sitting. “He’s not completely dead, but there’s such a tiny chance he’ll actually survive.” Tears covered her face. 

 

“I’m sorry. This is all my fault, I-” 

 

The teenager in the bed suddenly sprung up, the kwami still nuzzled up to him jumping awake. Harsh coughing filled the room as blood covered his hand. “Fuck,” he mumbled. His eyes darted around the room, panicked instantly. 

 

“Adrien,” Marinette gasped, grabbing a napkin as she skidded over. “You’re not dead! You stupid fuck! You gave us all heart attacks!” 

 

Instead of accepting her worries, he found himself sobbing. “No, no! You should’ve let me  _ die!” _ He didn’t care that his father was in the room. “Everything’s wrong, don’t you get that?! Mom’s gone, my entire home life s fucked up, I’m in a fucking girl’s body, I can’t do a single thing right! I got my miraculous taken and then I took my dads' and moms'! I can't do anything right! I’m so stupid I can’t even kill myself right!” 

 

The room paused at his sudden outburst. 

 

“I want Mom back, too,” he whispered to his father, “but aren’t I enough, father?” 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently going through some fucked up stuff at home and I honestly just want the idea out there, not finished. It's just a draft.


End file.
